you fall into it
by DaisyJune
Summary: a collection of 500(-ish) word oneshots based off prompts from Milady/Milord • "He's an actor playing a superhero on a public access children's program."
1. all the goods on display

**notes **Just wanted to have a place to compile any oneshot I may write for _Community_. You're ~welcome.

**prompt **_"I can't lose you, Annie."_

* * *

**All the Goods on Display**  
_some profanity, you'll imagine lots of dicks_

* * *

A pantless man with dreadlocks and a tiara shoved a giant neon green glow-stick in Annie's hands. Perturbed, Annie glanced up at Jeff and asked, "What are we protesting again?"

"Hell if I know."

Troy pushed his way past a throng of people surrounding an "art piece" that looked suspiciously like a giant bong to join them. "Britta says the problem we're fighting is too complicated for the study group to understand, but I don't think she knows either. There are so many naked dudes; do you think I should get naked, too? I should get naked. Does the word naked sound weird to anyone else right now? I think it's all these bare butts messing with my brain."

"Troy!" Annie gasped, but then paused with an intrigued look on her face as she glanced up and down his body.

Jeff noticed. "Annie!" he mocked in a silly high pitched voice. He returned to his own register with a biting tone towards Troy, "We are not stripping out of our clothes. It's freezing out here and every penis looks like a frostbitten thumb."

Troy discreetly peaked inside his jeans as Annie shrieked and slammed into Jeff's chest when another nude man almost pogoed right into her. Jeff's arm immediately fell around her. Growling, he said, "Alright, that's it! We're out of here. Troy, tell your activist girlfriend that Annie and I walked, nay, ran back to the car to escape this stupidity. Maybe if we apologize profusely with fresh donuts Abed will let us join his Firefly marathon and not hate us for choosing Britta's protest over his invite."

"We thought we were going to be marching for a worthy cause! It's not our fault theeee-" Annie's eyes widened as Jeff was already fighting his way through protesters and leaving her behind. "Jeff! Wait! I can't see through all the fumes of these over-zealous potheads!"

Jeff called back to her, "Annie, I can't lose you: a) you're wearing the brightest sweater in your closet, b) you're wearing clothes. You don't blend into this massive crowd of male flesh. Come on...Annie? Annie!?"—and he had lost her. _Shit_.

As well-endowed twenty-something with a square jaw, washboard abs, and silky Fabio hair skipped past him, Jeff suddenly had a panic-inducing flashback to freshman year when Vaughn had his New Age-y lips suctioned to Annie's face and their little cuddle games he used to spy on in the quads, convinced it was dirty hippie foreplay. Now there was a whole Greendale block's worth of Vaughn-types with their goods on display, and Annie was out there walking amongst them all, alone, lost, and vulnerable—vulnerable to these protesters' _Vaughn charms_. _SHIT_.

"Annie!" he yelled while brutishly pushing people out of his way. "If one gross nudist lays a finger or an appendage on you I'm—"

"Jeff?"

"Oh, hey."

He was flushed and breathing hard and sweating (he'll say its morning dew). Thankfully, she says nothing about it, but smiles knowingly.

•


	2. intro to supernatural communications

**prompt** _Jeff/Annie, with a twist!_

* * *

**Introduction to Supernatural Communications**  
_dirty words_

* * *

"What the HELL? Who—how!?...I demand an explanation at once!"

"I don't KNOW!"

"What do you mean _you don't know_?"

"I don't KNOW!? Oh god! Who are _you_? Stranger danger!"

"Shut UP! Are you like twelve? Christ, kid, fucking calm down!"

"I'm _not_ a kid, thank you, _much_. I'm eigh-TEEN!"

"Oh yeah, _excuse me_ for getting tha—aaaaa HOLY CRAP, I KNOW YOU!"

"I highly doubt that, _old man_. I don't associate with creeps and—"

"I know who—oh my god, this isn't happening." Yeah, disgusting Jägerbombs and his regular Macellan don't mix. Evidently they invite hallucinations of the_ dead daughter_ of the couple he just won a case from. Of course, pretty brunettes walked all over town, so realistically, he's gaping at a look-a-like gal with no history of drug abuse, or, you know, _a death certificate_.

She said, "O-kayyy, I'll be leaving now…"

"YES. GO."

She gasped, "See you never, potential rapist and/or murderer!"

"My name is Jeff and I'M A LAWYER!"

"Yeah, well, my name is Annie and that MAKES YOU WORSE!"

_Annie. Annie Adderall. Please—please don't let it be…_ "Edison?"

Annie froze.

"Yes."

"Annie Edison," he stated. Blood froze in his veins.

"You're not really a serial killer, are you?"

"Uhhh. No."

"You know my parents or…?"

"In a way."

"Oh."

"I—I think need…"

"Jeff? It's Jeff, right? What's going on? Am I in some kind of _trouble_? Because I don't do trouble. Well, I do, but really it's a case of some really bad luck, because let me tell you mister, there is nothing I can't overcome with just a little bit of—"

"—so guess what, you're supposed to be _dead_."

"HA," Annie laughed with a mixed look of horror, confusion, and denial. She stared manically in his eyes, orbs begging him to declare it all a horrible, horrible joke that obviously a deranged middle-aged man was playing on her. When he said nothing, she stiffened. "_Liar_."

His head shook slowly.

"Lying lawyer!" she cried. T-strap pumps slammed against the ground. "Lying LAWYER! PUPPY KICKER! MOUTH BREATHER! HOLOCUST DENIER!"

Jeff's eyes widened to comical proportions at her tantrum. He growled, "I am not a mouth breather! And you are dead! It was in the paper! My office received a notice!"

"Do you still have it? The notice? Proof?"

"No. And admittedly I lie _a lot_. I'm good at it. I like it, but believe me when I say this is one of those rare, disgusting occasions I'm actually telling the truth, the whole truth, so help me God."

"Well there we go. I don't—can't believe you. Not until you provide the needed proof that would verify your ridiculous claim—"

"I know it's ridiculous, but—"

"—more likely you're just a creep who's just biding his time until you bash my head in, hack me to bits, and repeatedly rape my corpse like the deranged man you are."

"You're deranged, sicko."

"No, I am not!"

"Fine, you're just dead."

"No, I am NOT!"

"You want proof?"

"Yeah!"

"Then I'll get you proof."

"Good."

"Awesome. Let's go."

•


	3. the adventures of dirk denver

**notes **I totally forgot I wrote this. Oops. Ah, well, I'll post it anyway on this site. Also, I kind of want to write a story on how Rich becomes a super villian, because of too-good brother, Dirk. Like Loki and Thor.

**prompt **_Annie starts dating a superhero and Jeff reaches new levels of jealousy._

* * *

**The Adventures of Dirk Denver**

* * *

"…and last week at dusk he flew across the Denver skyline looking for homeless people to give scarves to. I mean, ladies, he knitted all the scarves himself! And then just yesterday there were these kitties stuck up in a—"

"Annie!" Jeff said slamming his fist on the study room table. "Enough about the Incredible Dick Denver!"

"It's _Dirk _Denver and I wasn't even aware you were listening!" Annie protested.

Jeff rolled his eyes and tried to wrangle in his crazy. "How could we not? You've been prattling on about him for a month now."

"In her defense Jeff, Dirk Denver is all kinds of awesome and usually I don't even like classic All-American boys," Britta grinned, "there's just something about that…"

"…plush bottom stuffed in spandex," finished Shirley giggling. She patted Annie's hand. "You are one lucky lady to be getting that action figure to play with!"

Annie glowed in her seat and glanced over at Jeff who was discretely gripping the sides of his chair so hard his knuckles were white. He managed to say, "He's has a tree trunk neck and clown feet."

"Perfect leading man portions," Abed notes.

"He's an _actor_ playing a superhero on a _public access children's program_."

Troy's said, "Dude, Dirk Denver's got over a million Twitter followers and a new daily column in _The Denver Post_. He's practically Superman these days."

"Newspapers are a dying business, and he's not Superman (you traitor); _he's Rich's_ _brother_!" Jeff growled leaping up. His friends just shook their heads and ignored him.

Abed whispered, "Your kryptonite is showing."

•

"Jeff?"

"No."

"Jeff."

"No."

"_Jeff!"_

He made the mistake he always knew he was going to make. Looking two feet down, he saw her glittering eyeballs doing their voodoo magic and Jeff groaned, hooked like a fish on a line. "What?"

•

Dressed in tight blue spandex was never on Jeff's bucket list, well, not in this context. He cowered in a dressing room labeled _Dirk Denver_ and glared at all the fanmail, mostly from children and (probably insane) women, tacked onto the back of the door. He didn't know what possessed him to even agree to Annie's harebrained scheme. The idea that Jeff Winger was supposed to moonlight as "Greendale Guy" for a segment on Annie's boyfriend's show was now looking completely idiotic.

Seriously, he wasn't even sure how she got him to the studio. The details were lost in the hazy memory of Annie's strawberry shampoo, her low-cut blouse, a really funny story about Troy losing his toothbrush to their toilet, and a bundle of ego-stroking compliments on how great Jeff's biceps were going to look in Greendale Guy's suit (and, duh-doy, of course they did).

There was a tentative knock on the door and Annie slipped in.

"You don't have to go out. I know you don't want to."

"You think?"

She looked at him through the dark fringe of her eyelashes, though the glance wasn't loaded with anything more than understanding. Nodding, she said, "Dirk said Rich'll take over for you."

He thought this over, feeling that weird prickle of jealousy overtake him, like an itch at the base of his spine that he can't quite reach. "No, I'll do it."

Annie's lips curved upwards. "My hero."

Damn right.

•


End file.
